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Montreal Stories

… BROKE

At breakfast, on Sabbath, Shonnie ate her cereal and Tali ate her cereal and Lee crawled around under the table eating cereal that had fallen on the floor.

“Ahhhhhhh!” said the daddy “It’s a nice day to do nothing!”

“Ahhhhhhh!” said the mommy “It’s a nice day to do nothing!”

“Ahhhhhhh!” said Shonnie “It’s a nice day to do nothing!”

“Ahhhhhhh!” said Tali “It’s a nice day to do nothing!”

“Bhwlap” said Lee.

Then the daddy’s phone rang.

“RING – RING – RING – RING – RING.” v He answered it and yelled, “Oh No! A broken head! You have a broken head? I will come and fix it.”

He ran out to his bicycle and rode away. VROOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!

“Why did he have to go?” said Shonnie.

“Well”, said her mom, “He is a doctor and his job is fixing broken bones.”

“And how come he goes on a bicycle and everybody else goes to work in a car?” said Tali?”

“Because”, said the mom, “He goes faster on his bicycle than most people go in their cars!”

In about two hours the daddy came back with two police cars chasing him. The police gave him 2 tickets for speeding on his bicycle.

After the policemen got done yelling, their daddy sat down at the breakfast table

“Ahhhhhhh!” said the daddy “It’s a nice day to do nothing!”

“Ahhhhhhh!” said the mommy “It’s a nice day to do nothing!”

“Ahhhhhhh!” said Shonnie “It’s a nice day to do nothing!”

“Ahhhhhhh!” said Tali “It’s a nice day to do nothing!”

“Bhwlap” said Lee.

Then the daddy’s phone rang again.

“RING – RING – RING – RING – RING.”

He answered it and yelled, “Oh No! A broken bum! A BROKEN BUM! I will come right away and fix it!.”

He ran out to his bicycle and rode away really, really fast.

VROOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!

“Waaaaaaaaah!” said Lee.

“Ahhhhhhhhhh!” said Tali.

“Oh No!” said Shonnie.

“Rats” said the mommy.

“WE WANT HIM TO COME BACK.” YELLED TALI AND SHONNIE

“Well”, said the mom, “He is a doctor and his job is fixing broken bones.”

“How about a broken fingernail”, said Tali, “Does he fix broken fingernails?”

“Yes”, said the mom, “I am sure that he can fix broken fingernails.”

“Wonderful”, said Tali.

So Tali went over to Shonnie and took Shonnie’s finger and stuck it into Lee’s mouth.

Lee chomped the fingernail and Shonnie yelled, “Ahhhhhhh! My finger!”

Tali yelled,
Broken fingernail!
Broken fingernail!
Broken fingernail!

“Yikes”, yelled the mom, and she called the daddy on the phone and yelled,
Broken fingernail!
Broken fingernail!
Broken fingernail!

“Oh no!”, yelled the daddy, “call a doctor!”

“YOU ARE A DOCTOR!” yelled the mom.

“RIGHT!” yelled the dad, and he jumped on his bicycle and came home with ten police cars following him.

VROOOOOOOOOOOOOMM!

The daddy had to pay the police $1,000.00 for tickets and then he fixed Shonnie’s fingernail.

Then Tali stuck the daddy’s phone into Lee’s mouth and Lee chomped the phone.

The phone said “WCCXZZZTT” and stopped working.

“Well”, said the dad, “I guess it really is a nice day to do nothing.” and they all went to the park and nobody broke anything, and the whole day turned into such a nice nothing that it was a wonderful something.

© Bob Munsch Ent – 2000

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Arie is the ONLY boy with red hair at the United Talmud Torah’s Elementary School. I stayed at his house when I told stories at the school in January of 2005.

ARIE’S HAIR

“How come your hair is so red?” said Alex “You are the only boy in the whole school with hair like that.”

“Well” said Arie “’I eat lots of tomatoes, lots of very red tomatoes, ten very red tomatoes for breakfast.”

“Neat,” said Alex.

The next morning, Alex’s mom said “Alex, do you want cheerios or corn pops for breakfast?”

“I do not want cheerios and I do not want corn pops” said Alex “I want 10 tomatoes, 10 very big and very red tomatoes.”

“WONDERFUL!?” said his mom. “Tomatoes are good for you!”

So his mom gave him 10 very big and very red tomatoes and Alex ate them in a hurry: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 and almost got sick.

Then Alex ran to a mirror and looked at his hair. It was still black.

At school Alex said “Arie, it didn’t work! I ate 10 very big and very red tomatoes and my hair is still black.”

“OH!” said Arie “I forgot about the ketchup. How could I forget about the ketchup? Drink a whole bottle of ketchup after you eat the tomatoes.”

“OK!” said Alex.

So at breakfast the next morning Alex’s mom said “”Alex! How about tomatoes for breakfast?”

“Thank you” said Alex.

So his mom gave him 10 very big and very red tomatoes and Alex ate them in a hurry: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10; and then he ran to the refrigerator and drank a bottle of ketchup “GLUG – GLUG – GLUG – GLUG – GLUG” and was almost sick.

Then Alex ran to a mirror and looked at his hair. It was still black

At school Alex said “Arie, it didn’t work! How come my hair is still black?”

“I forgot something.” said Arie “Just once, you have to drink a bottle of Super Extreme Red Hot Tobasco Pepper Sauce. Eat ten tomatoes, drunk a bottle of ketchup and then drink a bottle of Super Extreme Red Hot Tobasco Pepper Sauce.

“OK” said Alex.

The next morning Alex ate 10 very big, very red tomatoes
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10.

He drank a bottle of ketchup
“GLUG – GLUG – GLUG – GLUG – GLUG”

He drank a bottle of Super Extreme Red Hot Tobasco Pepper Sauce.
“GLUG – GLUG – GLUG ——– AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Alex ran around the kitchen yelling and screaming till his grandfather poured water into his mouth. When the smoke stopped coming out of Alex’s nose, his grandfather said “Alex, what are you doing eating Red Hot Tobasco Pepper Sauce?”

“Arie said to do it” said Alex “He said it would make my hair red.”

“HA!” said Alex’s Grandfather “Arie is fooling you and I think it would be a good idea to fool Arie.”

“RIGHT!” said Alex.

The next day Alex came to school and said “Arie! It worked! The Super Extreme Red Hot Tobasco Pepper Sauce worked! I changed my hair to red, but my grandfather made me change my hair back to black.”

“It worked?” said Arie “Your hair was really red?’

“Yes” said Alex.

“How did you change your hair from red to black?” said Arie

“Easy” said Alex “Black Pepper! I ate a whole pepper shaker full of Black Pepper!”

“HA!” said Arie “I don’t believe you.”

But just to be sure, when Aire got home he ate a whole pepper shaker full of Black Pepper and YELLED:

“GWACKH!!”

“BLACK PEPPER!”

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

But his hair still stayed RED.