When Jack went into the hardware store, John and Margaret stayed out on the sidewalk. A nasty looking kid came down the street. He had tattoos on his face, rings in his ears, rings in his cheeks and he was smoking 5 cigarettes.
He stopped, looked at Margaret and John and said, “Hey, where do you go to school?”
Margaret and John said “We go to NICELY SCHOOL by NICELY PARK on NICELY STREET where the NICE kids go.”
“Ha!” said the kids. “I thought you looked nice! I go to SKUNK BUM SCHOOL by SKUNK BUM PARK on SKUNK BUM STREET, where the BAD kids go; and if we see you downtown again we going to thump you really bad”.
“Really bad?” said Margaret. “Yah!” said the kid, “You will look like a hamburger.”
Margaret said to John, “We have to change the name of our school. We can’t keep telling people we go to NICELY SCHOOL! We’re gonna get killed!”
“OK!” said John “Let’s call it BADLY NICELY SCHOOL.”
“That’s silly”, said Margaret.
“OK!” said John “Let’s call it DOGGIE DODO SCHOOL.”
“That’s gross” said Margaret.
“OK!” said John “Let’s call it GARBAGE SCHOOL.”
“Not to bad” said Margaret, “but I think GARBAGE GUTS SCHOOL sounds better.”
“Wonderful”, said John, “Let’s tell everyone we go to GARBAGE GUTS SCHOOL.”
When Jack came out of the store, Margaret and John said “There were these kids from SKUNK BUM SCHOOL by SKUNK BUM PARK by SKUNK BUN STREET and they said they were going to thump us!”
“I know” said their dad. “I’ll go talk to their father”. A man came down the street. He had tattoos on his face, he had earrings and nose rings and lip rings and tongue rings. He was dressed all in black leather, even though it was a hot summer day and he was smoking five cigars
“That looks like the Father”, said Margaret.
So Jack said “Pardon me sir, I do not mean to be rude, but I do believe that your sons were bothering my children.
“Ahhhaaa” said the other Dad, “What’s your name?”
“Jack” said Margaret and John’s father.
“Well Jack” said the other dad, “Where do your kids go to school?”
“Well” said Jack “They go to NICELY SCHOOL by NICELY PARK on NICELY STREET where the NICE kids go”.
“HA!” said the other Dad. “I bet you even live on NICELY STREET by NICELY PARK by NICELY SCHOOL where the NICE people live.”
“Why, yes we do” said Jack.
“OK!” said the other father. “MY kids go to SKUNK BUM SCHOOL by SKUNK BUM PARK on SKUNK BUM ROAD where the BAD kids go. And we live on SKUNK BUM ROAD by SKUNK BUM PARK by SKUNK BUM SCHOOL where the BAD people live. If I ever see you downtown again, I am going to thump you really bad.”
“This is getting really out of hand” said Jack “Really out of hand! We just can’t have you going to a school named NICELY SCHOOL. We are going to change its’ name”.
“Change its’ name?” said John.
“Yes.” said the Jack, “We’re gonna change its’ name to something really mean and scary, so everybody will leave you alone. Let’s call it BADLY NICELY SCHOOL”
“That’s silly”, said John.
“OK!” said jack, “Let’s call it DIGGIE DODO SCHOOL.”
“That’s gross”, said Margaret.
“OK!” said Jack “Let’s call it GARBAGE SCHOOL.”
“Not to bad” said Margaret and John “but we like GARBAGE GUTS SCHOOL better.”
“Wonderful”, said the dad, “So it’s GARBAGE GUTS SCHOOL.”
They went back into the hardware store and got some black paint and a really big paintbrush and drove out to NICELY SCHOOL. There it was sign in front of the school that said:
NICELY SCHOOL WHERE THE NICE KIDS GO
They changed it to:
GARBAGE GUTS SCHOOL WHERE THE BAD KIDS GO
“Good” said Jack “let’s go back downtown”.
So they all went back downtown and stopped in front of the hardware store. A gang of five kids came by. They all had tattoos and they were wearing black leather even though it was the middle of summer and had lots of big nasty dogs that were eating cats.
The kids stopped and said “Aaaaaahhhhaaa, where do you go to school?”
Margaret and John said “We go to GARBAGE GUTS SCHOOL by GARBAGE GUTS PARK on GARBAGE GUTS STREET where the REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, ROTTEN-BAD KIDS go.”
“WOW” said the other kids, “what do you mean, really bad kids?”
“Well” said Margaret, “I’m suspended for eating the Principal.”
“Yeah” said John. “I’m suspended for eating the librarian.”
“OOOOOUUUUU!” said the other kids “Really tough! Really mean!”
“Yes” said John and Margaret. “And if we see you around downtown any more we are going to thump you till you look like hamburger”.
The bad kids ran down the street.
“Good!” said Jack, “that seems to have solved that problem.”
“Yes” said Margaret. “But what is the principal going to do when she comes on Monday and finds her school named GARBAGE GUTS SCHOOL?”
“Maybe she won’t notice”, said Jack.
But she did notice, because on Monday, all the kids who went to GARBAGE GUTS SCHOOL dressed just like the kids from SKUNK BUM SCHOOL ….. Only worse!
© 1998 - Bob Munsch Enterprises Ltd.